From a former coach, and dear friend while coaching me through a particularly awful day of training
I first want to thank everyone who sent condolences and prayers after the passing of my uncle. Please know my family and I greatly appreciate it. He was an amazing man, and is truly missed.
As I sit here in the office at INTENT, I've had some time to reflect on what has been a real rollercoaster of a season; plagued by illness in late winter through most of the spring, then, sickness derailing my title defense at Gull Lake, some wins in between, the passing of my uncle, a win in his honor, then less than 2 weeks ago, another title defense derailed. I was in Mackinaw City, MI looking to defend my win from last year, and was starting to feel better, tight hamstrings had been killing me, due to a poor bike fit. Yes, for those who heard me laud this bike initially upon getting it, I'm thoroughly prepared to throw it on the expressway because, spoiler alert, it doesn't fit. Anyway, thanks to some awesome physical therapy at Achieve in Naperville, with Ashley and Rob, and some of my good friend, Gina Pongetti, I was coming around.
So yes, for those who have been asking if I'm ok, the answer, the real answer is a resounding hell no. But its ok. Because I, all of us, we don't have to take shit from anyone. We don't. I know we do things that make us hate ourselves, we cave to our bosses at work to make sure we get a paycheck, we duck hard conversations with friends to avoid hurting feelings, we essentially give power to these intangible things that they become tangible. They suddenly seem insurmountable. I don't care if its in the area of fitness or everyday life. You give power to a weakness, to a tough situation, then it owns you. And once its got its hands on you, look out, because it will dig in deeper than shark's bite. I say, fuck that. I fully admit, I fucked up. I allowed these things to happen to me, I got soft, I got weak. Ok, that's done. I see it, I am facing it, and I'm tearing it apart. I could go into my bike shop and raise hell, I'd be well within my rights to do so. But what does that gain? Will they even care? Probably not. So I'll find another way to make it work. We must be prepared to take on things solo if we are to truly understand what it means to beat down our demons. Its not to say that asking for help is wrong, quite the contrary. Ask for help. Seek counsel and advice from friends, loved ones. But they can't make the changes for you. They can't beat your demons. That's on you. They can lend support, they can guide you, but no one can do the work but you. Make sense? It will.
I'd love to write more, but I've got to get back at it. My season isn't done. Not by a long shot.